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Behaviours

🚩 Warning Behaviors of a Possibly Abusive Relationship

1. Control

Wants to know where you are at all times.
Controls what you wear, who you talk to, or how you spend money.
Constantly checks in or invades your privacy (e.g., phone, emails, social media).
Makes decisions for you without asking.

2. Isolation

Discourages or prevents you from seeing friends or family.
Makes you feel guilty for spending time with others.
Suggests that no one else understands you like they do — as a way to isolate.

3. Intimidation

Uses looks, gestures, or a tone of voice to scare or silence you.
Punches walls, throws things, slams doors — even if they haven’t hurt you yet.
Threatens to hurt themselves, you, or someone you care about.

4. Emotional Abuse

Constant criticism, name-calling, or belittling.
Blames you for their anger or bad behavior.
Gaslighting: Denies things they said or did, making you question your memory or feelings.
Mood swings — charming one moment, cruel the next.

5. Jealousy and Possessiveness

Accuses you of flirting or cheating without reason.
Says things like “If I can’t have you, no one can.”
Treats you like property, not a partner.

6. Guilt and Manipulation

Uses guilt to control your actions ("If you loved me, you'd...")
Makes you feel responsible for their happiness or problems.
Twists Scripture or religious ideas to control or silence you.

7. Disrespect for Boundaries

Pressures you into things you're uncomfortable with — emotionally, sexually, spiritually, or physically.
Doesn’t take “no” seriously.
Forces or manipulates you to stay silent about things that hurt you.

8. Financial Control

Takes your money or limits your access to finances.
Forces you to account for every penny you spend.
Discourages or prevents you from working or becoming financially independent.

9. Spiritual Abuse (especially in Christian contexts)

Misuses Scripture to justify dominance or silence (e.g., twisting verses about submission).
Claims God is on their side no matter how they treat you.
Shames you spiritually to control behavior.

10. Threats or Actual Violence

Even one shove, slap, or violent outburst is not okay.
If violence occurs once, it often escalates.
Threats are abuse, even if physical harm hasn’t occurred yet.

🛑 Important Truths to Remember:

Abuse is never your fault.
God does not call women to stay in dangerous or degrading relationships.
Real love reflects 1 Corinthians 13 — patient, kind, not self-seeking, not easily angered, and never harmful.
A relationship that consistently causes fear, shame, or confusion is not healthy or godly.

📖 Helpful Scriptures

Psalm 82:4 – “Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked.”
Proverbs 22:24–25 – “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person…”
1 Corinthians 13 – Real love is not abusive.
Ephesians 5:25 – Husbands are called to love their wives like Christ loved the church — sacrificially and gently.

🛠️ What to Do If You Recognize These Behaviors

Talk to a trusted counselor, pastor, or friend (one who understands abuse dynamics).
Consider calling a domestic abuse hotline or shelter for advice or safety planning.
Begin documenting behaviors in a safe place (in case you need to seek help legally or professionally).
Do not confront a potentially abusive person alone — it can escalate the danger.

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